Alissa Maxman • Individual and couples therapist in Berlin-Prenzlauerberg
THERAPIE
FORM
So what does it take to fix a bond?
For an emotional bond, it is necessary that both partners develop a deep understanding of each other's emotional needs and feelings and devote themselves to the relationship together. But what to do if you have not learned to talk about your own needs or to perceive them? How do you talk and communicate about it? How to identify which needs have remained unsatisfied and have been stored by our psyche in the form of a violation and the feeling of not being understood.
The Emotion-focused Therapy (EFT) approach is a form of couples therapy that focuses on people's deep emotions, especially their relationships and bonds. Developed in the 1980s by Dr. Leslie Greenberg and Dr. Sue Johnson, EFT has since become one of the most well-known and widespread forms of couples therapy.
The goal of emotion-focused therapy is to solve the emotional blockages that hinder understanding and connection between partners. In the EFT, negative emotions such as fear, anger or sadness are considered important signs of unmet needs. By identifying these needs and deepening the emotional bond, couples can learn to connect on a positive and supportive level. This dissolves the negative patterns and builds up the new ones. So during our sessions, I not only focus on the (superficial) de-escalation of the conflicts as such, but also systematically try to trace both their origin and — and much more importantly — the moment of the breaking of the emotional bond in your partnership and work on this break together with you. What was the real trigger of the conflict? What deep, hidden or long-suppressed emotion set this process in motion?
During our cooperation, I will help you to find out what is actually happening during a conflict, what are the hidden messages and emotions behind it, and how to get out of the «attack/defence» pattern.
I see my concern in creating a safe and supportive environment for you, where you feel safe and secure and can work on yourself and your relationship undisturbed and at your personal pace. In this space, the accusations are transformed into constructive suggestions and hidden fears and vulnerabilities are discovered behind the mutual accusations. You will get to know your partner better or even new and at the same time learn to deal with your own feelings more attentively. And during all these important processes, I will support you with words and deeds: accompany, moderate, encourage, reassure and listen to you attentively. Through my sensitive and targeted questions and interventions, I help you to delve deeper into your emotional experiences and to understand them better.
For an emotional bond, it is necessary that both partners develop a deep understanding of each other's emotional needs and feelings and devote themselves to the relationship together. But what to do if you have not learned to talk about your own needs or to perceive them? How do you talk and communicate about it? How to identify which needs have remained unsatisfied and have been stored by our psyche in the form of a violation and the feeling of not being understood.
The Emotion-focused Therapy (EFT) approach is a form of couples therapy that focuses on people's deep emotions, especially their relationships and bonds. Developed in the 1980s by Dr. Leslie Greenberg and Dr. Sue Johnson, EFT has since become one of the most well-known and widespread forms of couples therapy.
The goal of emotion-focused therapy is to solve the emotional blockages that hinder understanding and connection between partners. In the EFT, negative emotions such as fear, anger or sadness are considered important signs of unmet needs. By identifying these needs and deepening the emotional bond, couples can learn to connect on a positive and supportive level. This dissolves the negative patterns and builds up the new ones. So during our sessions, I not only focus on the (superficial) de-escalation of the conflicts as such, but also systematically try to trace both their origin and — and much more importantly — the moment of the breaking of the emotional bond in your partnership and work on this break together with you. What was the real trigger of the conflict? What deep, hidden or long-suppressed emotion set this process in motion?
During our cooperation, I will help you to find out what is actually happening during a conflict, what are the hidden messages and emotions behind it, and how to get out of the «attack/defence» pattern.
I see my concern in creating a safe and supportive environment for you, where you feel safe and secure and can work on yourself and your relationship undisturbed and at your personal pace. In this space, the accusations are transformed into constructive suggestions and hidden fears and vulnerabilities are discovered behind the mutual accusations. You will get to know your partner better or even new and at the same time learn to deal with your own feelings more attentively. And during all these important processes, I will support you with words and deeds: accompany, moderate, encourage, reassure and listen to you attentively. Through my sensitive and targeted questions and interventions, I help you to delve deeper into your emotional experiences and to understand them better.
For an emotional bond, it is necessary that both partners develop a deep understanding of each other's emotional needs and feelings and devote themselves to the relationship together. But what to do if you have not learned to talk about your own needs or to perceive them? How do you talk and communicate about it? How to identify which needs have remained unsatisfied and have been stored by our psyche in the form of a violation and the feeling of not being understood.
The Emotion-focused Therapy (EFT) approach is a form of couples therapy that focuses on people's deep emotions, especially their relationships and bonds. Developed in the 1980s by Dr. Leslie Greenberg and Dr. Sue Johnson, EFT has since become one of the most well-known and widespread forms of couples therapy.
The goal of emotion-focused therapy is to solve the emotional blockages that hinder understanding and connection between partners. In the EFT, negative emotions such as fear, anger or sadness are considered important signs of unmet needs. By identifying these needs and deepening the emotional bond, couples can learn to connect on a positive and supportive level. This dissolves the negative patterns and builds up the new ones. So during our sessions, I not only focus on the (superficial) de-escalation of the conflicts as such, but also systematically try to trace both their origin and — and much more importantly — the moment of the breaking of the emotional bond in your partnership and work on this break together with you. What was the real trigger of the conflict? What deep, hidden or long-suppressed emotion set this process in motion?
During our cooperation, I will help you to find out what is actually happening during a conflict, what are the hidden messages and emotions behind it, and how to get out of the «attack/defence» pattern.
I see my concern in creating a safe and supportive environment for you, where you feel safe and secure and can work on yourself and your relationship undisturbed and at your personal pace. In this space, the accusations are transformed into constructive suggestions and hidden fears and vulnerabilities are discovered behind the mutual accusations. You will get to know your partner better or even new and at the same time learn to deal with your own feelings more attentively. And during all these important processes, I will support you with words and deeds: accompany, moderate, encourage, reassure and listen to you attentively. Through my sensitive and targeted questions and interventions, I help you to delve deeper into your emotional experiences and to understand them better.
“Issues and conflict will arise in every relationship. But in healthy relationships, the deeper issue is recognized, and we work to chip away at it, moving from rupture to repair."
Esther Perel